A straight guy goes to Pride

This is just my recollection of a pride event I attended while its fresh in my mind. I’d been trying to find a local Pride event to go to, I never had, and my county doesn’t have a strong LGBTQ advocacy presence. I found one in Wellsboro on June 25.

As far as I know this was the first real Pride event held in Tioga County, Pennsylvania. A dozen different organizations were there. The neighboring town’s high school GSA chapter was there (Wellsboro, it appears, is dealing with school board pushback against establishing a GSA) as well as representatives from the Pride Center at Mansfield University. I actually chatted with the guy running the table, we had a class together at Mansfield and we remembered each other. My fiancé lived on his floor when he was an RA. Good guy.

There was a table for the Tioga County Democratic Party across from a table with a gay married couple who had adopted several kids, they were giving out “dad hugs”. Oh, also one of those gay dads was a preacher of an inclusive church. The owner of a Wellsboro book store was there with a great selection of books by LGBTQ writers, including some specifically from the Appalachian region. A little down the line from her was a table with specifically LGBTQ romance books. I ran into 3 of my old professors there, 2 were acting as an improvised “security” mostly to keep rowdy elements down.

Unfortunately, their presence was justified. The event started at 12 p.m. and I was in and out by 12:30. The only real event at the gathering was to be a story hour by a drag queen at 2 p.m., which was also the time I’d planned to actually leave Wellsboro, as I had to work about 60 miles away at 4 p.m.

But the thing is I wasn’t just there for my own enjoyment. I’d had an anxiety about potential backlash, given the recently rejuvenated hostility specifically toward drag queens and trans people in the nation. 20 Proud Boys (amateur fascist enforcers) were arrested for attempting to disrupt a Pride event in Idaho, I knew something of that vein was possible in Tioga County. Right on schedule like 30 people with posters decrying “groomers” showed up to congregate on the sidewalk outside the event to block people from seeing the event and drum up support by waving signs at passing cars. Like I said, this was not unexpected. I’d packed the big rainbow flag that hangs on the porch for just this occasion. Walking toward the doors to the event with a big rainbow flag on my shoulder made me feel awesome. The smiles I got from some event-goers put pep in my step. One guy said it was nice to have “some muscle” on the sidewalk that was largely full of the haters.

I stood side-by-side with the haters, who weren’t chanting or trying to confront goers, these people weren’t agro like that. This wasn’t black bloc antifa vs angry fascists in the streets. There really was very little visible animosity between the groups, with some of us striking up conversation. Some had quiet debates on the sidewalk. I don’t want to give the protesters credit but I’ll say again this was not a group with the intention to fight or even really scare. I asked a guy with a Bike Week shirt if he knew any motorcycle rides coming up in the area soon, as my parents have a trike. He gave me a card from a stack about a ride coming up in my home town. He had a groomer sign so I can only imagine he thought I was a monster for existing, but whatever.

Anyway, they were all largely on the sidewalk. They had originally manned the grassy median of the avenue, but it was 85 out and that area was in direct sunlight. After waving my flag high next to several people with “leave our kids alone” signs I decided to take the (largely abandoned) median, as I guess you can just do that in that town. Never lived in a town I don’t know how that works.

Boy like 6 of them ran out, panicked, when they saw me start marching up and down the length of the median with my giant Pride flag held high. It’s hard to see even a long flag pole on the sidewalk with cars and hate surrounding you but on that median I was king. No sign is higher than my flag. Just a big rainbow getting twirled in the middle of the street.

After a few circuits of marching up and down the median (I decided on the spot to just keep moving up and down. They were statues with hate signs, I was a moving person with a cool flag and a smile you couldn’t take off my face with a chisel) several other participants with the little tiny parade Pride flags came out to join me in my march. At one point we had 8 people chatting and walking back and forth waving at cars and the crowd, thoroughly photobombing a lot of their attempts to take pictures of themselves. We had water bottles delivered out to us, the water was free and we offered some to the gathered haters on the median. None took it. They looked thirsty. My marching crew changed with new walkers cycling out, new people asking “can I join you?” like, yeah its a free median. I walked for most of an hour, chatting up several of my fellow marchers, only a few of which I told that I wasn’t even in the LGBTQ space. I’m a straight cis-gendered white guy who just wanted to be a loud ally today.

I saw a woman I’d had a run-in with at my local school board meeting. She’d asked the school board to ban LGBTQ and black-authored books from the library and I followed her up with an address to the board saying, well, I’ll try and write it all down. Fact is she’s big into believing the 2020 Presidential election was stolen and just generally being not good. That was 4 months ago and she never returned to a board meeting. Correlation doesn’t equal causation but I’m going to pat myself on the back anyway.

I had to leave to go to work. The drag queen was inside telling reading “Marlon Bundo” and it was clear this crowd was not the “storm the doors” type of fascist so I felt like I wasn’t leaving the event vulnerable. Though I’d like to think my giant Pride flag was missed after I left. Marchers continued to lay claim to the median after I left.

I want people reading this to take a lesson here. Pay attention.

The haters WEREN’T expecting pushback that day. They were gobsmacked when I walked up with determination in my eyes and a flag on my shoulder. I took the median and they PANICKED that they might be conceding ground. I’d like to think a constant stream of people with rainbow flags and clothing marching up and down that median thoroughly bothered them that day. Just like my friend from the school board. She gave that speech at 3 consecutive board meetings before I spoke up. The important thing people need to take away is that those haters? There were about 30 of them and they all came together as a unit. Well over 200 people attended that Pride event, but if you looked from across the street, you wouldn’t have seen many event-goers, they were inside and the sidewalk was covered by hate and ignorance. The people that organized the event, from college-professor security to the various organizations represented probably 40 people. The rest was people coming in groups of 3 and 4. I’d come alone because Anna was spending some much needed time with her family. For us it was just a thing to do on a Saturday. Probably if it got even better advertising it would have pulled in more people. What I’m saying is, the haters TRIED very hard to get as many of them to attend as possible and they hit about 30–35.

Because everywhere they go, they’re in the minority. Hate always is. But it’s loud. It waves signs and shows up to events its not wanted and calls its congressman and votes in primaries and goes to school board meetings. It’s a minority group that’s found its voice, and its very good at pretending that voice is the equal to the voice of love and acceptance. It’s not. By marching up and down up and down on that median for an hour, we showed everyone watching that the very hateful 30 were NOT the overwhelming majority at that event.

I’ve learned in my life that its not enough to passively support a cause as important as LGBTQ rights. People die when those rights are infringed on. If you really want to help your marginalized friends, do more than change your profile picture. Get loud. Don’t take for granted that the system will just resist the call from an angry few. FIND a Pride event and go to it. CALL your representatives, even if they’re the staunches pro-lifer. Donate time. Go to school board meetings. Be the first to march. Don’t wait for someone else to do it. Be loud. When you SHOW these people that they can’t cow you with 3 dozen signs on the sidewalk THAT’S how you win. Because your love is stronger than their hate.

I don’t know, because like I said I’m not in that space, but I’d like to think us being “loud” (we also didn’t chant. Just smiled and marched) caused a few LGBTQ folks in that event to take heart. To know they’re not alone in this cherry red county. To be their true selves because others have their back. It’s one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done.